r (affectsmynerves) wrote,
r
affectsmynerves

i deleted tinder from my phone again. i told myself i was going to focus on making my own stuff work out for my own benefit instead of making myself feel beholden to anyone else and i'm not holding true to that when i spend so much time obsessively tryna on my phone. it's not an authentic presentation of self anyway. i'm not really a person who's tryna outside of my head and i'm not a person suited to actively seeking a relationship. it doesn't sit right with me. the world happens and happens and sometimes it happens to you but there are a lot of places and people and things for it to happen to the rest of the time so you just gotta chill. is my very strong feeling that doesn't mean anything at all. but i'm too private a person to be hooking up with strangers, at least in a place as small as this. i can admit that now. anyway i was getting not that many matches because i fundamentally Lack Mass Appeal/am resistant to putting my least offputting face forward. such is. i'm young and alive and every time anyone talks about sex on yik yak i clutch my pearls. i mean, mostly w/r/t the heteros. but they can really put a girl off the idea of ever acknowledging that she has a body. i need to delete yik yak too. checking out on my phone all the time makes me feel sluggish, staticky & poisoned.
Tags: dating app usage, famous in a small town, progress wrt healing
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